Falling in love with your massage therapist?

Some clients bond strongly with their massage therapist? Is it an addiction? Is it love? Let's see what contributes to this connection?  

Professor Holt-Lunstad PhD specialises in psychology and neuroscience and is the Director of Social Connection and Health at the Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, USA. Her research focuses on the long-term health effects of social connections and includes a meta-analysis on the effects of loneliness and social isolation on mortality. That research has linked loneliness to deteriorating health. She has found that your relationships (particularly your intimate relationships) are the biggest factor in your health, longevity and well-being. Here is what we can learn from her research.

In a world of digital communication, we’ve become less good at nurturing relationships (i.e. in person). Prof Holt-Lunstad's studies have looked at the impact of a person’s social network and relationships on health outcomes, such as the likelihood of suffering with a mental health issue, or with chronic disease, or recovery after illness or surgery, and she found that relationships are THE most important factor in health, wellbeing and longevity; even more-so than exercise, abstinence from smoking, eating healthily, and maintaining a healthy weight.

AI companions such as chatbots, care robots and Apps like Facebook definitely serve a purpose and can help reduce loneliness, but they can’t replace humans and the beneficial natural chemicals like dopamine and β-endorphins which are released with social interaction between good friends and partners. Indeed, one can form an attachment to a bot, but that’s like building an attachment to a celebrity that you’ve never met; and you don’t actually get any of the positive benefits of a true and reciprocated bond. It is the natural chemicals in our bodies produced by social or intimate interaction with someone we feel close to that underpins our mental and physical health. In fact, β-endorphins underpin your immune system.

Professor Holt-Lunstad’s studies have shown that bio-behavioural synchronicity can happen with a partner or a very close friend. For example, if they have been away from each other and then meet in the same room, their blood pressure levels and brain activation patterns can synchronise and become the same. Also, their gestures, vocal tone and language can start to match one another. Additionally, each person’s baseline of oxytocin will be different initially but when the couple come into a room and spend time together, the oxytocin levels will synchronise after 5 minutes. So, when you’re with someone you are close to, and develop a bond, it’s like becoming one organism. This is believed, in a way, to be the absolute fundamental basis of human close-love.

Let’s look more closely at the chemistry...

Dopamine and β-endorphins are both feel-good chemicals and are generated naturally during closeness, and can even occur during massage that is nurturing, such as Swedish massage. But Dopamine and β-endorphins play very different roles in the brain and body. Think of dopamine as the motivation / reward driver, and β-endorphins as the pleasure / pain relief soother.

To clarify...

DOPAMINE

Main role: Motivation, reward, anticipation, focus, drive.

Dopamine fires before or while you pursue something rewarding — not necessarily when you feel pleasure.

What triggers dopamine:

• Anticipating something good

• Learning and habit formation

• Novelty and excitement

• Food, sex, social praise

• Goals and achievements

• Addictive substances

Role in behaviour:

• Helps you want things (“wanting pathway”)

• Reinforces habits — both good (exercise) and bad (addiction)

• Increases energy, curiosity, and focus

When dopamine is high:

• You feel motivated, driven, excited

• You want to repeat behaviours

When dopamine is low:

• Low motivation

• Fatigue, low drive

• Difficulty feeling reward

• Sometimes linked with depression or ADHD-like symptoms

  
  

β-ENDORPHINS

Main role: Pleasure, calm, euphoria, and pain relief (natural opioid).

Beta-endorphins bind to the same receptors as morphine or opioids, but naturally and safely.

What triggers β-endorphins:

• Physical touch (massage, cuddling, intimacy)

• Warmth, relaxation

• Laughter

• Intense exercise (“runner’s high”)

• Music or emotional connection

• Stress relief

• Acupuncture

Role in behaviour:

• Create a sense of well-being and comfort

• Reduce physical and emotional pain

• Enhance feelings of bonding and trust

• Provide a “floating, soothing” feeling

When β-endorphins are high:

• Less pain

• Calm, warmth, closeness

• Mild euphoria

When β-endorphins are low:

• More sensitivity to pain

• Emotional fragility

• Difficulty relaxing or feeling comfort

Key Differences:

Feature	Dopamine	Beta-endorphins
Type	Neurotransmitter	Endogenous opioid/peptide
Main purpose	Motivation, reward, wanting	Pleasure, comfort, pain relief
Triggered by	Anticipation & pursuit	Touch, laughter, warmth, exercise
Feeling	Excited, motivated, alert	Calm, soothed, euphoric
Bonding effect	Weak	Strong (touch, closeness)
Addiction risk	High (drug/behavioural)	Low (natural soothing)

But why do some people feel addicted to touch or to certain people? This is not dopamine-driven. It is usually β-endorphin–driven. Touch, intimacy, and emotional connection can release a strong wave of

β-endorphins, which:

• reduce stress

• create emotional comfort

• ease anxiety

• create a feeling of closeness or safety

  
  

If someone rarely feels safe, or rarely receives soothing touch, the endorphin surge can feel intense or even addictive when in close contact with someone they trust and have bonded with. Dopamine may also join in if that person becomes a source of anticipation, but it’s the endorphin ‘warmth’ that feels addictive. However, this is not a true addiction but more like a preferred soothing source of safety and calm that their nervous system seeks out for emotional regulation. A massage therapist can become a pathway, or an experience that their nervous system has learned to associate with comfort and relief which helps to ease their stress and help them to feel grounded.

Taking all this into consideration, it is clear to see why massage has long been one of the best and healthiest ways to create connection, regulate the emotions, calm the nervous system, relax, bolster the immune system, and contribute to long-term wellness. The power of massage should never be underestimated.

More information on Prof Julianne Holt-Lunstad can be found on Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julianne_Holt-Lunstad